My bike soared faster and faster down the hill towards a shrinking purple glow at the bottom. I squinted my eyes and concentrated. I knew I wouldn’t have another chance in a million years. Then I leaped up with all my power taking my squeaky old bike with me. In a flash of light I was sucked into the portal. In a matter of seconds I was flying through the jungle, alone. Suddenly I crashed head first into the ground. When I looked up I knew I would never be able to get back home, not without my bike anyway.
This is a very descriptive, creative piece Joelle.
Try though to avoid starting a sentence with ‘then’. Perhaps those two sentences could have read …
‘I leaped up with all my power taking my squeaky old bike with me, then. in a flash of light, I was sucked into the portal.’
What do you think?
Thanks for sharing,
Jackie (Team 100WC)
New Zealand