It was a cold rainy and Gary the snail [who lived on a roof] was awoken to a crumbling sound he realized that is house was crumbling down he took a emergency exit to the drainpipe jumped in and was swept away by the water it carried Gary down Gary turned around and looked and saw his house was right behind in pieces he then fell down the drainpipe he fell in a puddle. Then he saw it come down the drainpipe his whole house was now gone Gary ran and got to safety he was just happy he lived.
Michael,
I enjoyed reading your story. You set up the story well, I can visualize the poor snail getting scared, taking refuge in the drainpipe & be heartbroken at losing his home while being happy at being alive.
Was you not using comas and punctuations intentional? Were you trying to have fast paced story by not having them?
Happy writing.
Mrs. Trivedi-Ziemba
@TrivediZiemba
Thanks for the feedback.